DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
1. Do these people (on
the show) look like what you think perverts look like? Which one, if you
passed him on the street would look most like your idea of a pervert? Which
one would look least like one? Why?
This could lead to a discussion about
how some of the men, like the one who showed up naked, seemed more
suspicious than others. Starting simple may put children at ease. It may
also help children learn that predators can look like anyone. Participate in
the conversation by identifying the ones you thought looked more suspicious
than others, and point out the differences in your perspectives.
2. Do you know anyone who
has ever been solicited for sex on the Net? What did you do? What did he or
she do?
Some children will answer this
question, some won't. Forcing the child to tell you is not the point.
Creating a comfortable atmosphere for your child to be willing to discuss
the subject IS the point. You are not asking the child if he or she has been
solicited directly, just if they know someone who has. Questions like this
one help the child begin thinking about the subject and formulate plans if
it DOES happen. You are also making the point that’s it’s okay for the child
to talk with you about it without repercussions.
3. What are some things
you can do to keep yourself safe?
Adults might be surprised at answers
to this one. Children will think of things that adults would completely
miss. Give the children positive reinforcement ("Great idea!") for
suggestions. By doing this adults continue to create an on-going comfort
zone for the children to share information. Encourage children to have
conversations on their own about this question.
4. What can I do to help
keep you safe?
Listen to what they say, make a list,
put it on the fridge and DO IT, whatever it is, within reason, of course.
Revisit the list periodically, ask children if there’s anything they’d like
to add or subtract.
5. Let's just say you
know for a fact someone is stalking you. What would you do differently on
the Web? Would you remove anything from your blog?
This should at least get the children
thinking without getting into power struggles. You can also ask them to show
you the places they visit online, including their own blogs. To ease
potential tension in that conversation, consider giving the kids 24 hours
warning — at least the first time — so they have time to clean up their
sites before you see them. Subsequent site visits can be a surprise, but if
this is your first conversation about the topic, it's best to avoid a
"gotcha" confrontation that will likely lead to less communication, not
more.
As for general advice, Shankle says
parents should be on the lookout for weird packages in the mail.
Perpetrators will send gifts and even airline tickets to convince the child
to meet in person. Reluctance to participate with kids their own age is also
an important warning sign.
Isolated children who feel alone are
at the greatest risk, she said — such as kids who want to run away, or who
are in abusive situations either at home or at school. That's why dialogue
is so important.
"Perpetrators hate involved parents,"
she said.
Finally, parents who feel they simply
cannot talk with the children about this topic should find a qualified
therapist in their area.